Using Positive Opposites to Encourage Good Behavior in Children

As a nanny I cannot, and should not, ever tell parents how to raise their children. But while working as a nanny I do like trying to use parenting concepts that encourage good behavior in children, while making kids feel good about themselves.

Dr. Alan Kazdin is the author of “The KAZDIN Method for Parenting the Defiant Child,” “The Everyday Parenting Toolkit,” and “Parent Management Training: Treatment for Oppositional, Aggressive, and Antisocial Behavior in Children and Adolescents.“

He has developed a program called the Parent Management Training (PMT) at the Yale University Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic. Dr. Kazdin’s PMT is based on B.F. Skinner’s behaviorism theories.

There are different types if behavioralism in psychology. B.F. Skinner’s radical behaviorism model of psychology states behavior is shaped through positive reinforcement (rewards) and negative reinforcement (ignoring or punishment).

Dr. Kazdin recommends using Positive Opposites in his PMT theory. Positive Opposites are instructions or directions given by the parent or caregiver without using the words, “stop,” “no,” or “don’t.” Positive Opposites are short, specific, and a positive replacement for the behavior that is troublesome. Positive opposites can really be used any time when giving an instruction or trying to modify child behavior.

Here are some examples:

• The child is interrupting the parent or nanny. The positive opposite is not, “Stop interrupting” but rather, “Please wait your turn.”

• The child is screaming. The positive opposite is not, “Stop screaming,” but instead, “Please make your voice quieter.”

• The child leaves shoes in the hallway. The Positive Opposite is not, “Don’t leave your shoes in the hallway” but alternately, “Please put your shoes in the closet.”

As soon as the child gets up to follow the instruction or direction, you immediately praise with a specific observation or comment. For example, if you said, “Please put your dirty socks in the hamper” and the child shows movement toward that goal, you make eye contact, smile, and say, “Great job doing what I asked right when I asked it.”

The goal is to focus on what the child is doing right in order to increase appropriate behaviors rather than criticizing the child.

It’s never easy to change entirely. Parents and nannies are not perfect and will criticize children at times. But, using Positive Opposites is a great parenting tool to tuck in your daily childcare tool box.

Just trying to use Positive Opposites helps make a more pleasant environment for the child and their caregiver. If nothing else, it is always a good idea to positively encourage what the child is doing right.

You can purchase your own copy of “The KAZDIN Method for Parenting the Defiant Child,” “The Everyday Parenting Toolkit,” and “Parent Management Training: Treatment for Oppositional, Aggressive, and Antisocial Behavior in Children and Adolescents” by clicking the titles of the book in this article.