Yelling is Your Problem, Not the Child’s Problem

Respect Children By Staying Calm

When you yell it is your problem, not the children’s problem making you lose control. It is natural that kids will occasionally “get under your skin.” Yelling at a child for something that is affecting you will not resolve the problem.

Before responding to children in anger, take a deep breathe and count to ten. Give yourself a few minutes before responding.

In the book 365 Ways to Raise Great Kids, Sheila Ellison says, “Instead of you joining in with [the kids] screaming, here’s an alternative. Go to where the children and commotion are and have everyone stop, sit on the floor, and take three deep breaths. After the breaths, talking may resume in a sort manner. This will slow everyone down for a few minutes, and at the same time teach [children] a new tool they can use on their own.”

“Yelling at a child who is trying to annoy you gives the child the upper hand by getting a reaction out of you. Instead, calmly tell the child what you have to say. Constantly reacting to behavior contributes to misbehavior for the sake of getting attention,” says Ellison.

Let the consequences of their actions teach children. If you have a reward and punishment system in place let the rewards and punishments modify the children’s behavior rather than yelling.

For example, if the child knows they get a star on a star chart for making their bed and lose a star if they don’t, you don’t need to yell or criticize the child. Just give them the start they earned or take away the star they lost. If kids know they will lose a privilege if they yell at their siblings, then enforce the discipline instead of yelling.

365 Ways to Raise Great Kids


  1. I love the "3 minute quiet time". My daughter sometimes has her boys sit next to each other and hold hands looking at each other for a few minutes. They always seem to start giggling and the conflict is forgotten.Christy OchsI

  2. I read your blog daily and have been reading about yelling but today I was tested. The boy had the worst temper tantrum of his life, just horrible. I tried being nice and eventually I yelled. I grabbed him and yelled "What's Wrong?" which made his brother upset too. I stopped myself. I did not yell again. But I did carry him to the bath since it calms him down. We discussed it later and I cannot figure out what was wrong. He's got quite a temper, gets super frustrated and he's going into second grade?! I thought by now we would have his moods more under control but he flips which tests my patience. Thankfully I thought and stopped myself from yelling any further. I was trying to calm him down but how can you calm someone down while yelling at them? I get it now.

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