How to Handle Disappointment Over a Raise

Has a Family Ever Forgotten to Give You a Raise?
By Erin of

If your annual nanny review is approaching and discussion regarding a salary increase is on the table, or if you’re simply considering the wisdom of approaching your employer to request negotiations for a raise, it can be quite a nerve-wracking situation. Before you attend that evaluation meeting or approach your employers with a request for a salary increase, it’s wise to prepare yourself for the possibility that you may be turned down. The following tips can help you to handle your disappointment, so that you’re prepared in advance.

Understand That There’s a Possibility You Will Be Turned Down

Before you enter an evaluation, salary review meeting, or discussion about a possible raise with your employer, you should keep in mind that there is a chance, however slim, that you won’t get what you’re looking for. The most crushing disappointment is the kind that comes unexpectedly, so remember that there are a variety of factors that could determine whether or not you’ll get a raise, many of which are out of your hands altogether. For some nanny employers, affording a nanny’s salary, employment taxes, and any insurance can be enough to stretch their budget to the breaking point. Even if you’re the best and most qualified nanny in the area, your employers cannot give you a raise if it isn’t within their budget. Understanding that you could be facing the chance of a declined salary increase proposal won’t take all of the sting out of your disappointment, but it can make it a bit more manageable.

Stay Calm and Behave in a Professional Manner

If you’re absolutely certain that you’re going to get the raise you’re looking for, hearing that you’re not eligible for an increase for one reason or another can be shocking. It’s very important, however, that you maintain your professional demeanor and stay calm, at least until you’re alone. Your employers don’t need to see your reaction to know that you’ll be disappointed, but experiencing a petulant attitude or anger may only make them feel justified in their decision not to increase your salary, and more likely to make that same decision the next time the subject comes up.

Ask What You Could Do Differently to Earn the Increase Next Time

While it won’t soothe all of your disappointment, learning how to better manage your work performance and what your employers are looking for before they’ll sign off on a salary increase next time will give you a concrete goal to work toward and a basic idea of how to get there. Don’t be afraid to ask your employers what you can do differently so that you’re a more valuable employee to them, just be sure that you do so calmly and respectfully, without a hint of anger or unprofessionalism.

Don’t Take it Personally

A great childcare provider who has established a strong rapport with both her charges and her employers shouldn’t take it personally when they’re turned down for a raise. In most cases, if you’re performing above and beyond expectations, enjoy a good relationship with your employers and are well-qualified for the position, your employers will do everything within their power to make sure that your compensation increases accordingly. Failure to secure a raise in such situations is almost certainly reflective of a reduced family budget, rather than a poor work performance or a reluctance to pay you what your time is worth.

Take Some Time to Privately Mourn

Part of dealing with any negative emotion, disappointment included, is to allow yourself to fully feel it in order to move on. While it’s not wise to feel your disappointment and express that emotion in the midst of your meeting, it is okay to show your disappointment when you have a bit of privacy.

Consider Your Options

When a salary request is made because you’re facing serious job creep or are weathering an increase in hours, being turned down for that raise can make the post seem like it’s altogether not worth the time. If you’re feeling unappreciated and that your employers refuse to compensate you fairly for the extra duties you manage for them, it may be best to consider what options you have at your disposal. It’s likely that your morale will suffer noticeably if you’re already overworked and turned down for a pay increase, which will only leave employers feeling justified in their decision not to raise your salary.


  1. Don't leave your job until you have a new job though. I feel that's the biggest mistake nannies can make. They get emotional and leave their jobs. If you didn't get the raise you deserve go to work, do your job well so you can get a great reference while looking for a new job.

  2. WEBINAR about asking about raises at

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